I can explain why I was so late, I swear.
I woke up this morning after a brilliant two hours of sleep and went to milk the cow. She did not really have much, so the cereal kinda blew. Anyways, as I turned on my red 1993 Chevy Malibu I realised the garage was not opening. Great, the power was down! I went upstairs with a broom and woke up the hamster, which must have fallen asleep on the job. It took some deliberation, taking a full three minutes to get the power working again.
I sped out of my local neighbourhood, keenly aware I was cutting it close on time. Listening to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” I was ready to take on any traffic peril thrown at my direction. That’s when the unexpected occurred. The mother of all meteors bursted at my 9 o’clock. I remained vigilant and undistracted, but the same could not be said about my fellow motorists. The vehicle directly in front of me slammed on his brakes. I was forced to expertly manoeuvre around him using the road’s shoulder. Unfortunately for me, a deceased porcupine happened to be on the shoulder, and caused severe damage to my forward right tire. My vessel was unsafe for travel.
I proceeded the arduous and unsavoury activity of changing the deflating tire. Equipped with a tire iron, I got to work. I fixed my car fairly quickly and I was about to be on my way when a marshal parked behind me. He prompted me if I had slain the aforementioned porcupine. In my sleepy haze I said, “Yes”. The marshal congratulated me. Apparently the porcupine had been terrorising the region for the last few months. I signed an autograph and went off.
Sadly, despite my best efforts, I was ten minutes late. Please forgive me, Mrs. Lamorte.
The above was writen by Kent, jokingly after I had to sign a tardy for him because he was ten minutes late to class, due to traffic.